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Meeting His Mom

9 Aug

Meeting mom makes me jittery until I get to the door and say my first hello. I mean some moms are heavily engrossed in their sons’ lives (*coughs* momma’s boy), so I get bogged down in my thoughts: I hope I don’t talk too much. I hope I’m not a mute. Don’t smile too much that can be received as phony. Arghhhhhhhhh!!! So here are some tactics I’ve used to be personable and polite, your biggest players.

    Wear something “mom” appropriate.

    Nothing you’ve heard Luke Skywalker talk about in a song. No stomach out. No lower back. Not too much cleavage. Even if you dress like this in front of your parents, you should not as a first encounter or your outfit will become the focus. It will be what she and others remember.

    Read the news.

    Older women for some reason, heavily watch/read the local news. Although I find it ghastly, update yourself.

    Don’t lie

    This is not a time to be phony. Respectfully disagree or decline to say anything. Set the tone of the relationship you want to have. You must practice great etiquette, though. Mothers are extremely critical. Why? They are female and they believe they know what they’re son needs. *side eye*

    Bring something

    flowers, cake, wine, cider, something that somehow indicates you thought about her before coming.

    Never ever enter someone’s home without first saying hello and acknowledging everyone in the room, not that timid “hi” either.

    Introduce yourself and tell her that you are pleased to meet her.

    I much rather hug than do a handshake, but you can feel her out. Ask your boyfriend what she’s like beforehand. Some mom’s are not touchy feely.

    Take note of everyone’ body language and the decor of the home to figure out how comfortable you should be.

    Shoes at the door. Then, this a no shoes home. Don’t put your feet up. Don’t lounge on a toss pillow. Don’t put your cup on the table without a coaster. Don’t eat on the couch unless everyone else is. Don’t request to change the channel.

    Engage in conversation without taking over the conversation.

    Just jump in. If you’re appropriately funny, this shouldn’t be too hard. This is not a time to fight to the death for your point of view.

    See if she needs help in the kitchen.

    or whatever else she may need help with. This is a time to get to know her better. Compliment something very specific. Do not say you have a nice home. That’s a last resort. It’s vague and doesn’t work if it’s not true *shrugs*. Ask her questions. What do you do? Typically, if things are serious you know this, so you can lead saying, “_______ told me you _______. How long have you been a ______?” If you noticed a book or show she’s watching, ask her about it. Answer her questions as she asks them. Embellish your answers. Don’t lie. I’m just saying the story needs fluff. One word answers—->kill me.

    When dinner comes around, serve your guy as well, if she has not done so.

    Mom’s watching. LoL.

    During dinner, continue to engage in conversation.

    Again, don’t run the conversation. Don’t be rude. Eat the food. Somehow, eat it, even if it’s nasty. Don’t scarf it down. Compliment the food when you actually like it. If you lie, she might tell you to get more and take it home.

    Don’t argue in front of her

    or anyone else for that matter. I hate seeing this kind of train wreck.

    After dinner, offer to clear the table and/or help clean the kitchen.

    Remove your boyfriend’s plate while asking if he needs anything. Gently ask him, not for everyone to hear, so it looks genuine. I hope it is genuine, even when no one is looking. Maybe you’re not that kind of girl, then maybe not. Then, ask the rest of the guests.

    Hangout for a little bit.

    Never be in a rush to leave, unless she is. People notice when you’re in a hurry to leave. If you have somewhere else to go that day, say so before going or quietly let her know when you arrive. No big exits.

    When leaving, thank her for dinner and sharing her home with you.

I don’t know. This worked for me. Of course, you don’t have to do this point by point. More than likely, I didn’t. Yet, I do believe this is the best time for your best etiquette. The girls I’ve met through my brothers let’s me know parents are skipping over manners in the manual. First impression is a lasting impression. She’s watching how a follicle of your hair blows in the wind. Left is not good.

Guys, do you have any advice or horror stories?

Ladies, have you met any moms from hell?

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Financially Ready for Marriage

19 May

At one of my Bible Study lessons, a minister said that women need to prepare for the man God purposed for them.  Women need to create a space in which a man can enter.  He even joked imitating an exchange between two women: “Friend: Girl, why are you cleaning out the other side of your garage? Woman: For my husband.  Friend: Why are you sleeping on one side of the bed? Woman: Because my husband will need room. I have to get used to sleeping on one side of the bed”

I thought it was hilarious, but all jokes aside, I agree.  I would not go to this extent. However, on a higher level this makes sense.  Whether we are single, on the verge of a relationship or in one, we should be in preparation mode, two wholes coming together to make a better whole.  I don’t think two halves coming together should expect a one, although mathematically it makes sense, “but physics, this sh*t ain’t.” It would be better said that we strengthen one another’s weaknesses.

Since we’ll forever be a work-in-progress (God is never done with us.  Our living purpose dies when we do.  Our legacy lives on), I presume we can pass several common roadblocks in marriage if we merely improve the quality of our individual lives. 

Getting my finances in order – minimal debt, great credit score, retirement, and savings – is a personal goal, as well as a relationship goal, and a standard.  I want to have the least amount of baggage entering into my marriage.  I suspect finances is one of the leading reasons marriages are either dysfunctional or broken (sorry, but I did not want to read up on the statistics and compile them). It is imperative that spending and saving habits are complimentary, as well as, financial goals.   The last thing I want to do is argue money in my relationship or future marriage. This year, I’ve made an effort to seek the best deal and figure out where to spend my money. I still enjoy eating out as well as cooking. Both are expensive, but now I check ads for prices. My friends have helped me become conscious of prices and substitutes.

So, ladies, continue financial responsibility or take it up.  Men should not have to marry debt and bad credit, too.  Although this is geared towards women, it is also applicable to men.  “I don’t want no scrub.  A scrub is a guy that can’t get no love from me.  Hanging out the passenger side of his bestfriend’s ride trying to holla at me.”  Hahahahahaha. 

I subscribed with Learn Vest, a site about finances intended for women.  It is relatable and easy to read.  They somehow made finances feminine, subject matters women deal with financially. Today, one of their tweets read Spring Cleaning: Don’t forget your finances!  Check them out. You can also check out www.mint.com.

Best Rebound of All Time

17 May

Please don’t read too deep into this.  No feelings linger from the past. We experience anger, hurt, crying, adaptation, and healing –> Good Mourning (India Arie)

After a breakup, I am as wild as the wind without the whoopee (Please tell me you’ve see The Newlyweds Game).   Between drowning in Amy Winehouse and dating like Kim Kardashian, I distract myself.  After my last severance without pay, I went on dates with a few guys that told me too much too early, but then again I am a prober.  I will ask a lot of questions.  I want to know where you grew up, how you grew up,  what your favorite cartoon was, how you spent your summers, your favorite movie, everything.   I want to know people.  It takes on more of a nostalgic conversation rather than an interrogation.  However, sometimes, I excavate something I want to return 6 feet under. 

One guy admitted that he cheated on his girlfriend and was single because she refused to take him back.  That was not my situation, but we were both damaged goods at the time, neither had healed from recent heartbreak.  We were rebounding one another.  We made sure we didn’t wake up alone, go to the movies alone, sit on the beach alone, eat alone, play Wii alone, drink alone, or watch the sunset alone.  One of my best dates was with him, as a matter of fact.  We had a pseudo relationship, until we moved on.  I thought it was an awesome situation.  We were open about our past relationships and what happened in them.  Admitted when we missed our formers.  He paid. I paid.  Neither of us felt used.  Best of times.  We both knew what it was (maybe I did more than he).  He tried to cross the line many times; he still does.  LoL.  He is now one of my guy friends that will hug for a little too long, put his hand on my lower back, try to rest his hand on my leg, request movie nights, send inappropriate texts, call at awkward hours, and lay his head on my stomach and/or shoulder while watching TV.  *shaking my head* Yea…habitual line crosser. He just tries and tries, even though he has a girlfriend.  When he does something inappropriate, I get loud and ask his friends, “what’s wrong with your boy?”  He is never embarrassed. I think he knows nothing will ever happen, but will continue hoping one day he gets a pass.  We crossed one another’s path at the same unfortunate but fortunate time.  It was the best.  However, I don’t think rebounding situations ever work.  Why?  You haven’t quite gotten over your ex.  I don’t know how one can make room for another when someone else still occupies the space.   Is it possible?  Have you fallen madly in love with the rebound?

Accessorizing: Texture & Color

25 Mar

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Size and scale are also important, but I think people struggle more with texture and color.  If there is one thing I loathe, it’s matchy matchy clothing and decor.  I like different colors and materials.  It gives so much interest to an outfit and room, but here we are talking about interior style.

While I was on a shopping expedition for some of my current projects at Marshalls, I stopped in the  frame and pillow aisle to do some arrangements for fun.  Unfortunately, they did not have what I needed for my actual project.

For the pink, green, and purple frames, I looked throughout the section for a larger black frame, but could not find one.  In layering, size and scale are so very important.

Here are some tips for pattern and color:

  • Choose a color you love
    • After you have thought about the mood you want to create
    • Decide how much of that color you can take.  If you can do lots of it, make it the paint color, comforter, rug, shower curtain, etc.  Essentially, whatever will have more presence.
  • Balance the color with a neutral (black, white, or brown).
  • Throw in a metal or something shiny.  This adds instant interest because it reflects light. The sequin pillow pictured above does exactly this.
  • When mixing patterns, think large, medium, and small.  Texture: smooth versus woven. The biggest misconception about print and patterns in interiors is the notion that small pattern has the least amount of presence.  On the contrary, small patterns look busy.  Larger patterns are easier on the eye.  The pillow with circles in the slideshow prove this point.
  • Combine simple lines with fussy or rustic things.
  • Use the color wheel to choose a palette.  The color wheel is one of the best things you can look at when building a palette.  It’s a color compass.

She giggled or laughed? Pass GO and collect $200

24 Feb

For some reason or another, no matter how old I get, I become giggly in the company of someone I like.  Something takes a hold of me and pigtails with barrettes grow from my scalp. I imagine I look and act like Goo from Fosters Home of Imaginary Friends.  But you know what…I like the warm feeling, how slightly uncomfortable I get, a bit off my square, and compelled and intrigued all at the same time.

My anecdotal conversation usually follows laced with analogies and references. Yet, I haven’t had someone do the “it was nice talking to you” while walking away giving a lazy wave and barely there smile. Whew…but seeing as to how I act, I figured I could give a friend advice.

Weeks ago, my friend told me he was crushing on a girl. Awwwww. LoL. He tried to downplay his interest and do the it’s cool whatever, but hey you’re asking for advice so something’s up. I told him “you’re going to lose your opportunity sitting on the sideline while someone else makes the play.”  Yea that text message was nice, but most often text messages will not get you a date.  The more passive you are the more likely you will be friend zoned. 
 
Of course, he was nervous about approaching her.  Understandably so, he previously made a flat advance.  But from the details he told me, it wasn’t a dead end.  He needed to put himself out there to see if he had a chance.  Time was a factor for this girl.  My response to this was show her you’re serious by becoming a little more aggressive. Call, no messaging.  Her tone and openness will indicate whether she is at least willing to get to know you.  Problem: He did not have her number.  But, a mutual friend did! 

I told him to get her number from the mutual friend with permission.  If she picks up, you’re on to the next level.  Just put it out there how you got her number.  She knows anyway, but don’t steer away from it just get it out of the way.  If she doesn’t giggle, laugh, or make light of this, it might be a “no-go.” He told her how he got her number and she GIGGLED admitting she knew. DING! DING! DING! SHE GIGGLED! The conversation continued and he invited her out.  She agreed to meet him at the destination for their first date the very same day.  Score! 

A huge indicator that a woman likes you is laughter.  This a redundant point, but so true. Had that conversation been stale and she at no point lightened up, I would have told him to “abort!”  Had she not answered the first time, I would have advised he try again later and leave a voicemail, if she does not answer.  No returned call? Let it go.

A guy was standing next to me while I was having this conversation in Home Depot, testosterone central.  The smile/smirk and glance over either meant he was amused or knew that I was right.  I hope the later. Welp, both.

I am infatuated with Wikihow and Ehow.   I love the brevity, which I apparently haven’t figured out.  For this post, great conversation skills via Wikihow. Be careful. Make sure you feel it out before jumping to conclusions or just ask, no assumptions or guessing necessary.

The Ambitious Girl, Resolutions, and Relationships

10 Jan

FRIENDSHIPS

My biggest and most discussed flaw has become balancing my time.  I have had several “talks” about it.  I knew it would come.  I felt it coming because it was only so long before I had to have it.  My friends complain and although I love them to pieces, it does not concern me much that I cannot spend most waking moments with them.  I love you, but I will not succumb to guilt trips and as a result stretch myself thin.  Majority of 2010, I was there for any and everything they had going on, which was a lot for me.  No more.  If I need to rest, I will rest.  If I need to spend time with my family, I will.  I can assess what’s really important to you and will do my best to oblige.  I am available, most times, for your phone calls and messages.

This is self-preservation.  One of my fears is looking old before I am older.  I need to look 30 at 40 years old, not 40 at 30 years old.

AMBITION & RESOULUTIONS

Resolve noun – to come to a definite or earnest decision about; determine (to do something):

¾ of 2010 moved at a pace so fast that I was unable to achieve ONE of my most important goals.  I am overly ambitious to the point I don’t get much done.  My problem, so I slowed down about September because I was exhausted.  I began to focus on what is most important to me.  At this point, I made resolutions (one does not need to wait until a New Year).  Reclaiming my ME time and moving at a pace that is both comfortable and reasonable for ME.  This resolution or any for the matter does not come without stumbling and slip ups; I have.

I brought an old habit into the New Year; postponing things I have always wanted to do because people can’t do it this weekend, don’t have the money, and/or they are not sure.  Blah! Blah! And Blah! I tried to include everyone who I thought would be interested, which became a long list.  Then, the excuses poured in.  Note: the more people you invite, the more problematic anything becomes. The less, the merrier.  I tweeted about this. NO MORE.  You cannot wait on people to live.  Do it alone, if need be.  LIVE!

Practice makes perfect, so several
inconsiderate and selfish interventions to come from those that do not understand.

RELATIONSHIPS

Then, the question of relationship came up.  I felt like I was the subject of a rotating shot (I called someone for the technical term. LoL)

Someone coming into my life does not interrupt my ambitious schedule, no matter how much I like them.  This is unintentional.  I have become accustomed to the schedule I keep and I take opportunities as they come.  Stopping to think about how someone else feels before accepting has not been a consideration.  And here is where the problem lies…I guess.  But let me say this…whatever I say, I mean.  My actions, at times, have a hard time following.

Transcripts of last night’s convo…

Me: Men are egotistical and backwards.  As much as you say you do not want a clingy woman, you are more comforted by one that is because then, you feel in control.  She needs to be available whenever you want.

Him: Yes, we are. We need to feel like #1.  But a person does what they really want to do. If you really want to spend time with me, you would.

Me: I agree, but what if that comes after me working and tutoring/studying?  There are things that I am doing and you will need to understand what’s going on and withstand what’s going on.

Him:  That’s a lot to ask. It sounds like you’re being inconsiderate.

Me: I know.  It is a lot to ask, but right now that’s what it takes. I do not think I am being inconsiderate.  I will do what it takes for someone who understands this and is willing to accept.  Maybe the compromise is that we blend our schedules.  Maybe spending time is you coming to my event, me going to yours, me watching the game with you at your friends, you going with me with my friends, etc…

Him: That’s a consideration, but when do you slow down to make room for one? It does not sound like a relationship is of priority.

Me: It’s not that I cannot see myself in a relationship or that I refrain from them.  It just comes with an understanding that things are going to be tough.  If there is communication and no games, it will get better. I have to be talked to. I have to be told when to slow down.  I am receptive to how other’s feel, but only when they tell me.  You cannot expect flaws to disappear when a relationship initiates; they magnify. I know you should not have to tell me on some things, but I can be completely oblivious.  Men are not the only ones who have a problem with making themselves available and reciprocation.

Him: Interesting

Convo ends

I do not know where we learned that someone is supposed to come into our lives and it just works.  It requires work on both ends.  This is the investment, the risk.  So…I say, “I want 2x’s more than what you are willing to give.”  I would hope he demands the same thing instead of giving up. Otherwise, I figure he doesn’t think it’s worth it.

I have resolved to go skydiving hoping the parachute opens.

Advice: Risk it for the one you want. Figure out the stuff in between along the way. If it fails, there’s no regret. Brokenhearts are a part of life. We get over them scarred, but we do get over them. Get some Mederma.

Advice for Guys Going Fishing

3 Dec

This post was written weeks ago. See when LA last played Denver. This is partly a rant, but has some weight.

Personalize your conversation with a woman 

Do not begin with a Chris Brown “Yo (Excuse Me Miss)” Remember how old he was? Riiight.  And saving the last dance won’t get her either. He was right about not talking about her smile or style.  Heard that one before.  That’s something you say once you’re in there, unless it’s the first minute and thirty seconds of Wale Manipulation Part 2 stuff.  Well…you would have to know her for that Wale, too. 

Women are far more responsive to non-suggestive greetings.  Open a conversation with something general.  I’ll even go for what are you drinking? I need help choosing or
did you see that Laker/Denver game last night? You’ll find out if she watches sports or not.
What do you think about the Democrats only having Senate? Use information that is important to you, depending on your intentions.
 

Do not seek information with lame questions

For example, “I know a whole bunch of other guys have already asked for your number.”  First, I do not like this type of fishing; it’s not clever.  Second, do not worry about whoever else has tried talking to me.  You should believe you are THE ONE, not of the group.

“Where your boyfriend at?”  First, incorrect grammar.  Second, be direct.  Third, I will have fun with you by pointing to a stranger across the room.

Be chivalrous

They say it is as dead as Tupac. LoL. I guess it depends on who you are talking to. It still counts.

Call

Calling is far better than text messaging.  Unless she begins a texting relationship with you, refrain.  I gave a guy my number only because he said he did not think I would. He got me!  But he never called.  He, instead, chose to text message me all week with no response.  Then, invited me to Lucky Strike, where he’d be that night.  C’mon, now.  This is so lame.

Phone calls require more time and attention.  If you can slow down your day to do so and hopefully, right after business hours and before 10pm, with something to talk about, she’ll appreciate it.  My friends and the guys I date hate this.  Yep.  I have a phone curfew, unless you’re the one I introduce to my friends and family.

Don’t seem desperate by speaking of the future

Again, you do not know me.  Let’s chop it up and see what the future holds.  You should not be planning anything with someone you do not know.  What if you find you do not want to take her out after talking to her?  What if you decide after she has said something that completely turns you off that you are not going to call?

Oh…keep in mind that, in order to completely reel in this fish from the sea , she must like you.