Archive | August, 2011

Meeting His Mom

9 Aug

Meeting mom makes me jittery until I get to the door and say my first hello. I mean some moms are heavily engrossed in their sons’ lives (*coughs* momma’s boy), so I get bogged down in my thoughts: I hope I don’t talk too much. I hope I’m not a mute. Don’t smile too much that can be received as phony. Arghhhhhhhhh!!! So here are some tactics I’ve used to be personable and polite, your biggest players.

    Wear something “mom” appropriate.

    Nothing you’ve heard Luke Skywalker talk about in a song. No stomach out. No lower back. Not too much cleavage. Even if you dress like this in front of your parents, you should not as a first encounter or your outfit will become the focus. It will be what she and others remember.

    Read the news.

    Older women for some reason, heavily watch/read the local news. Although I find it ghastly, update yourself.

    Don’t lie

    This is not a time to be phony. Respectfully disagree or decline to say anything. Set the tone of the relationship you want to have. You must practice great etiquette, though. Mothers are extremely critical. Why? They are female and they believe they know what they’re son needs. *side eye*

    Bring something

    flowers, cake, wine, cider, something that somehow indicates you thought about her before coming.

    Never ever enter someone’s home without first saying hello and acknowledging everyone in the room, not that timid “hi” either.

    Introduce yourself and tell her that you are pleased to meet her.

    I much rather hug than do a handshake, but you can feel her out. Ask your boyfriend what she’s like beforehand. Some mom’s are not touchy feely.

    Take note of everyone’ body language and the decor of the home to figure out how comfortable you should be.

    Shoes at the door. Then, this a no shoes home. Don’t put your feet up. Don’t lounge on a toss pillow. Don’t put your cup on the table without a coaster. Don’t eat on the couch unless everyone else is. Don’t request to change the channel.

    Engage in conversation without taking over the conversation.

    Just jump in. If you’re appropriately funny, this shouldn’t be too hard. This is not a time to fight to the death for your point of view.

    See if she needs help in the kitchen.

    or whatever else she may need help with. This is a time to get to know her better. Compliment something very specific. Do not say you have a nice home. That’s a last resort. It’s vague and doesn’t work if it’s not true *shrugs*. Ask her questions. What do you do? Typically, if things are serious you know this, so you can lead saying, “_______ told me you _______. How long have you been a ______?” If you noticed a book or show she’s watching, ask her about it. Answer her questions as she asks them. Embellish your answers. Don’t lie. I’m just saying the story needs fluff. One word answers—->kill me.

    When dinner comes around, serve your guy as well, if she has not done so.

    Mom’s watching. LoL.

    During dinner, continue to engage in conversation.

    Again, don’t run the conversation. Don’t be rude. Eat the food. Somehow, eat it, even if it’s nasty. Don’t scarf it down. Compliment the food when you actually like it. If you lie, she might tell you to get more and take it home.

    Don’t argue in front of her

    or anyone else for that matter. I hate seeing this kind of train wreck.

    After dinner, offer to clear the table and/or help clean the kitchen.

    Remove your boyfriend’s plate while asking if he needs anything. Gently ask him, not for everyone to hear, so it looks genuine. I hope it is genuine, even when no one is looking. Maybe you’re not that kind of girl, then maybe not. Then, ask the rest of the guests.

    Hangout for a little bit.

    Never be in a rush to leave, unless she is. People notice when you’re in a hurry to leave. If you have somewhere else to go that day, say so before going or quietly let her know when you arrive. No big exits.

    When leaving, thank her for dinner and sharing her home with you.

I don’t know. This worked for me. Of course, you don’t have to do this point by point. More than likely, I didn’t. Yet, I do believe this is the best time for your best etiquette. The girls I’ve met through my brothers let’s me know parents are skipping over manners in the manual. First impression is a lasting impression. She’s watching how a follicle of your hair blows in the wind. Left is not good.

Guys, do you have any advice or horror stories?

Ladies, have you met any moms from hell?